As I review and self reflect on my thoughts here is something from the archives of my mind that I had forgotten about: Thought #1- I know that it is illogical to try and number my thoughts when in reality we have some many coming in at once, simultaneously, that quatifying the exact number is almost absurd. And yet... we have thought number 1.
What I am currently thinking is that I need to live seperate from people. From constant interaction and just exist. I know that may be considered selfish for the indivduals currenlty in my life, but I feel the need to detach.
I do not feel understood or heard or even aknowledged for my emotions. I feel tense on the inside. Like a intermiingling of emotions that have no outlet.
I need space and time to evaluate and then re-evaluate. Should I have not moved? That is the lingering question in my brain.
The oversahdowing thought. Should I have maintained that seperation? And is that deisre to maintain it from the need to develop and grow or my anxiety of feeling "stuck"?
I feel as if my needs are changing and consistently molding to my current mental state. At the moment she wants freedom and release. Not to have the overbearing weight of stagnancy.
I want to be alone and not alone at the same time. That is my dilema. This is my dissonance.
Have you ever had a time that your thoughts, actions and/emotions did not match with your behavior? What did you do?